I have come to the conclusion that all available wordpress plugins that use native WP galleries … suck. And I’ll have to roll my own at some point. Something that A) actually uses the description text and b) obeys max media resolution settings. Done something similar to that 2 or 3 times (using a modified slimbox.js) — just never for WP.

I was half-listening to Stargate SG-1 on hulu while working earlier and it occurred to me how useful their show title actually was. The name of the show itself, the name of the most prominent object in the show AND the whole overarching government program the main characters are involved with has the name stargate in it.

This presents the opportunity for a lead character to mention a stargate trifecta (consisting of alternate realty, alternate dimension and time travel), on one hand referring to events occurring in-story, while surreptitiously breaking the third wall and humorously referencing the series itself.

This is not something that could be done easily (or with any regularity) in properties such as Star Trek or Star Wars. For obvious reasons.

Strange it is that there does not seem to be (at least according to the search engines) a formalized type of art one might call “Deconstructionist Poetry”. By that I mean I was talking to someone (to be precise, my wife) about poetry and deconstructionism when I started wondering about the two.

You would think that after all this time has passed since it’s conception that people would by now be constructing poems which, of themselves originally, may have not had any real meaning, but were built with fertile imagery and cross-movement style sufficient enough that random passing readers would find some deep hidden meaning in them. That said meaning was not the foundation of the poem and only a shaped reflection of the readers own searchings being the point of course.

But there seems very little available in this regard.

Strange…

I pause ... because there is so much that could be said.
I hesitate, stumble
 mumble
  something incoherent
  nothing said that I wanted said

  words are prisons for the mind

2009 nov 16

So I installed a new blog system today (while putting up a temporary forums for happy place games). Will import some old content as I have the time, and start mulling over new things as they occur to me….

This should be fun. Should have done this years ago.

(And FYI, yes, tennesseefolk.com is my domain. Basically the wife and I are using it to host various misc personal/community related items these days.)

I want one! Yes, I know. The are supposed to be children’s laptop, given out by the millions to kids around the world for education purposes, but I still want one. Or two.

They’re just so very cool.

I plugged Cynthia’s Wacom tablet into my mac and started scribbling a bit. They’re fun to play with once you get use to the pressure sensitivity. I’m thinking about making this the new logo for citizen j. Whadda think? :-)

I’m now going to talk about my fish… Some more. Hey. Come back. …

This is “Koo”. He’s a red Betta. His name comes from the classic Russian science fiction film http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kin-dza-dza!. (As to what the word “koo” actually means … well, that’s a long story. And it would rather much ruin the film if I just told you.)

His tank-mate (Scrubby) is a scared orange bottom feeder that mostly hides in his hollowed out coconut I gave him. (From which he stares at me with one eye day and night and day … and night … It gets creepy after a while.)

That was a strange photo of me (I said to myself) when I saw it. I look like I’m possessed … or have just seen Jesus or .. something.

(I’m actually just looking across the road up into a cave out front of our local artisans/hillbilly-potters.)

We stopped by to visit my cousin Bill Cannon while we were down in Florida earlier in the year. He’d just recently moved down there with his family after being up in Chicago (brr) for the last few years. Rarely see him these days.

We went out of our way (by several hundred miles) to try to catch the Pluto Express as it was launched from Kennedy. No luck though. Delays. Naturally of course, as these things will always happen, it finally got off the ground just about the time we pulled out on the road heading back to Tennessee. :)

Date: November 26 2001 06:11 AM

A povray 3.1 model of a blue cat condo.

My cats made me put their favorite objects up here: The catcondo with fully articulated carpeting is a favorite as it took several hours to work out the math to mesh all the carpet fibers around the object. And yes, the fibers are all seperate objects.

Code:

///catcondo.pov
// 1024×768 AA 0.3 for computer speed comparisons
//susy’s cat condo 1998
// lsellers@usit.net http://www.public.usit.net/~lsellers http://www.intrafoundation.com
// 2001 nov. tweaked slightly under povray 3.5beta7

#declare highquality=1; //0=fast low quality, 1=realistic computational expensive model/lighting (slow)

//
#declare T_LightWood =
texture {
pigment {
wood
color_map {
[0.0 color rgb<.85, .65, .51>]
[0.9 color rgb<.75, .50, .45>]
[1.0 color rgb<.55, .36, .34>]
}
turbulence 0.12
octaves 3
scale <0.05, .05, 1>
rotate <4,3,0>
}
finish {
diffuse 0.9
brilliance 1
specular .5
roughness .5
}
}
#declare T_BlueCarpet =
texture {
pigment {
color rgb<.5,.5,1>
}
normal {
quilted 1
turbulence 0.4
}
normal {
granite .1
turbulence 0
}
finish {
diffuse 0.9
brilliance .5
}
scale .1
}

camera {
location  <0,2.5,-2.5>
//    look_at   <0,1,0>
look_at   <.5,1,0>
angle 60
}

light_source { <4,5,-6> color rgb<1,1,1> }

#if (highquality=1)
media { scattering { 3 rgb<.1,.1,.1> }}
#end

plane {
y, 0
pigment { checker pigment{ rgb<1,1,1>}, pigment{ rgb<0,0,0>} }
scale .5
finish { reflection 0 }
hollow
}
plane {
z, 4
pigment { checker pigment{ rgb<1,1,1>}, pigment{ rgb<0,0,0>} }
scale .5
finish { reflection 0 }
hollow
}

//catcondo 1.2d 1.9h .9hole
//susy’s cat condo by lewis sellers 1.2d 1.9h .9hole
#declare catcondo = union {
difference {
cylinder {<0,0,0>,<0,1.9,0>, .6}

cylinder {<0,1.8,0>,<0,1.91,0>, .5} //top
cylinder {<0,.2,0>,<0,1.7,0>, .5 texture{T_LightWood}} //cavity
cylinder {<0,-.01,0>,<0,.1,0>, .5 texture{T_LightWood}} //bottom

cylinder {<0,.55,-2>,<0,.55,0>, .325} //bottom hole
cylinder {<0,1.35,-2>,<0,1.35,0>, .325} //upper hole
}
intersection { //make ledge
box {<-1,.9,-1>,<1,1.0,0>}
cylinder {<0,.2,0>,<0,1.7,0>, .5} //cavity
}

#if (highquality=1)
//start seed
#declare s=seed(131);

// the main exterior minus cat holes. dist=sqr( (x1-x0)2 + (y1-y0)2 )
#declare obs=0;
#while (obs <= pi*2)

//speed optimization by cache
#declare cx=cos(obs)*.6;
#declare cz=sin(obs)*.6;
#declare cx2=cos(obs)*.63;
#declare cz2=sin(obs)*.63;

#declare oby=0;
#while (oby <= 1.9)

#declare justdoit=1;

#if (oby>.225 & oby<.875)
#declare l=vlength(<cx,oby-.55,cz-(-.6)>);
#if(l<.325)
#declare justdoit=0;
#end
#end

#if (oby>1.025 & oby<1.675)
#declare l=vlength(<cx,oby-1.35,cz-(-.6)>);
#if(l<.325)
#declare justdoit=0;
#end
#end

#if (justdoit=1)
cylinder { <cx,oby,cz>, <cx2+(rand(s)*.01),oby+(rand(s)*.025),cz2+(rand(s)*.01)>, .01 }
#end

#declare oby=oby+.0125;
#end

#declare obs=obs+pi/128;
#end

// inner flat top
#declare obx=0;
#declare obs_i=0;
#declare cc=0;
#while (obx <= .5)
#declare obs=0;
#declare cc=cc+1;
#declare obs_i=obs_i+1; //variable density
#while (obs <= pi*2)
cylinder { <cos(obs)*obx,1.8,sin(obs)*obx>, <cos(obs)*obx+(rand(s)*.01),1.83,sin(obs)*obx+(rand(s)*.01)>, .01 }
#declare obs=obs+pi/obs_i;
#end
#declare obx=obx+.0125;
#end

// outer flat top
#declare obx=.5;
#while (obx <= .6)
#declare obs=0;
#while (obs <= pi*2)
cylinder { <cos(obs)*obx,1.9,sin(obs)*obx>, <cos(obs)*obx+(rand(s)*.01),1.93,sin(obs)*obx+(rand(s)*.01)>, .01 }
#declare obs=obs+pi/128;
#end
#declare obx=obx+.0125;
#end

// top inner horiz ring
#declare oby=1.8;
#while (oby <= 1.9)
#declare obs=0;
#while (obs <= pi*2)
cylinder { <cos(obs)*.5,oby,sin(obs)*.5>, <cos(obs)*.47+(rand(s)*.01),oby+(rand(s)*.025),sin(obs)*.47+(rand(s)*.01)>, .01 }
#declare obs=obs+pi/128;
#end
#declare oby=oby+.0125;
#end

// ledge
#declare obx=0;
#declare obs_i=0;
#declare cc=0;
#while (obx <= .5)
#declare obs=pi;
#declare cc=cc+1;
#declare obs_i=obs_i+1; //variable density
#while (obs <= pi*2)
cylinder { <cos(obs)*obx,1,sin(obs)*obx>, <cos(obs)*obx+(rand(s)*.01),1.03,sin(obs)*obx+(rand(s)*.01)>, .01 }
#declare obs=obs+pi/obs_i;
#end
#declare obx=obx+.0125;
#end

// bottom cat hole <0,.55,-.6> .325
#declare obs=0;
#while (obs <= pi*2)
#declare obz=-.60;

#declare cx=cos(obs)*.325; //cache x base
#declare cy=sin(obs)*.325+0.55; //cache y base
#declare cx2=cos(obs)*.295; //cache x2 base
#declare cy2=sin(obs)*.295+0.55; //cache y2 base

#while (obz <= -.50)
#declare obz_m=obz+abs(cos(obs)*.1)+.001; //cutting the cat hole into a cylinder doesn’t give a perfect ring. must mod depth
#declare obz=obz+.0125;
cylinder { <cx, cy, obz_m>, <cx2+(rand(s)*.01), cy2+(rand(s)*.01), obz_m+(rand(s)*.025)>, .01}
#end

#declare obs=obs+pi/128;
#end

// top cat hole <0,1.35,-.6> .325
#declare obs=0;
#while (obs <= pi*2)
#declare obz=-.60;

//speed optimization by caching
#declare cx=cos(obs)*.325; //cache x base
#declare cy=sin(obs)*.325+1.35; //cache y base
#declare cx2=cos(obs)*.295; //cache x2 base
#declare cy2=sin(obs)*.295+1.35; //cache y2 base

#while (obz <= -.50)
#declare obz_m=obz+abs(cos(obs)*.1)+.001; //cutting the cat hole into a cylinder doesn’t give a perfect ring. must mod depth
#declare obz=obz+.0125;
cylinder { <cx, cy, obz_m>, <cx2+(rand(s)*.01), cy2+(rand(s)*.01), obz_m+(rand(s)*.025)>, .01}
#end

#declare obs=obs+pi/128;
#end
#end

texture {T_BlueCarpet}
}

object{catcondo rotate<0,0,0> translate<0,0,0> }

/*
#declare c=0
#declare py=-10
#while (py < 10)
#declare px=-10
#while (px < 10)
object{catcondo rotate<0,degrees(cos(c)),0> translate<px,0,py> }
#declare c=c+pi/10
#declare px=px+2
#end
#declare py=py+2
#end
*/

I bought a Kodak DC4800 prosumer digital camera in 2001. Since with a digital it’s basically free to take as many photos as you like — I did. These are a few highlights.

Date: October 12 1998 09:12 PM

// cat tail rocker by Lewis Sellers, 1998.
// lsellers@usit.net http://www.public.usit.net/~lsellers http://www.intrafoundation.com

#declare highquality=1; //0=fast low quality, 1=realistic computational expensive model/lighting (slow)

// define textures
#declare T_HardWood =
texture {
pigment {
wood
color_map {
[0.0 color rgb<.75, .55, .41>]
[0.9 color rgb<.65, .40, .35>]
[1.0 color rgb<.45, .26, .24>]
}
turbulence 0.3
octaves 3
scale <0.05,.05,1>
rotate <8,4,2>
}
finish {
diffuse 0.9
reflection 0.1
brilliance 1
specular .5
roughness .5
}
}

#declare T_OakWood =
texture {
pigment {
wood
color_map {
[0.0 color rgb<.85, .65, .51>]
[0.9 color rgb<.75, .50, .45>]
[1.0 color rgb<.55, .36, .34>]
}
turbulence 0.12
octaves 3
scale <0.05, .05, 1>
rotate <4,3,0>
}
finish {
diffuse 0.9
//reflection 0.1
brilliance 1
specular .5
roughness .5
}
}

#declare T_SmoothOakWood =
texture {
pigment {
wood
color_map {
[0.0 color rgb<.85,  .65, .51>]
[0.9 color rgb<.75,  .50, .45>]
[1.0 color rgb<.55, .36, .34>]
}
turbulence 0.12
octaves 3
scale <0.05, .05, 1>
rotate <4,3,0>
}
finish {
diffuse 1.0
reflection 0.2
brilliance 1
specular .6
roughness .1
}
}

#declare T_Stucco =
texture {
pigment {
wrinkles
color_map {
[0.0 color rgb<.7,.7,.7>]
[0.9 color rgb<.6,.6,.6>]
[1.0 color rgb<.4,.4,.4>]
}
turbulence 0.3
octaves 3
scale <1,1,1>
rotate <8,4,2>
}
finish {
diffuse 0.9
}
}

//the simple room
//floor
box {<-10,-1,-10>,<5,0,4> texture {T_HardWood} }
//the walls
box {<-11,-1,3>,<5,8,4> texture {T_Stucco} }
box {<-10,-1,3>,<-11,8,-17> texture {T_Stucco} }

//rocking chair. all struts are .05w slats are .2w
#declare rc_rearpost = lathe {
linear_spline
9,
<0,0>, <.05,0>, <.1,.5>, <.1,4.7>, <.05,4.8>, <.1,4.9>, <.1,5.1>, <.05,5.15>, <0,5.2>
texture{T_OakWood rotate<90,90,0>}
}
#declare rc_forepost = lathe {
linear_spline
6,
<0,0>, <.05,0>, <.1,.5>, <.1,2.25>, <.05,2.5>, <0,2.5>
texture{T_OakWood rotate<90,90,0>}
}
#declare rc_slat =
box { //slat n
<-.1,2.2,.97>,<.1,4.0,1.03>
texture{T_OakWood rotate<90,90,0>}
}
#declare rc_seatslat =
difference {
box {<-.09,0,-.93>,<.09,.1,.93>}
box {<-.1,0,0>,<.1,.1,.5> rotate<-15,0,0> translate<0,0,-.93>}
texture{T_SmoothOakWood}
}

#declare rc_leftarm = union {
difference {
box {<-.2,0,0>,<.1,.1,2.4>}
box {<-.21,-.1,1>,<-.1,.2,2.6>}
cylinder {<-.15,-.11,1>,<-.15,.11,1>,.05}
}
cylinder {<-.05,0,0>,<-.05,.1,0>,.15}
texture{T_SmoothOakWood}
}
#declare rc_rightarm = union {
difference {
box {<.2,0,0>,<-.1,.1,2.4>}
box {<.21,-.1,1>,<.1,.2,2.6>}
cylinder {<.15,-.11,1>,<.15,.11,1>,.05}
}
cylinder {<.05,0,0>,<.05,.1,0>,.15}
texture{T_SmoothOakWood}
}
#declare rc_roundbrace =
intersection {
difference {
cylinder {<0,0,-.05>,<0,0,.05>,2.1}
cylinder {<0,0,-.06>,<0,0,.06>,2.0}
translate<0,2.1,0>
}
box {<-1,-1,-.2>,<1,1,.2> rotate<0,0,45>}
}
#declare rc_rocker = union {
intersection {
difference {
cylinder {<0,0,-.05>,<0,0,.05>,2.1}
cylinder {<0,0,-.06>,<0,0,.06>,2.0}
translate<0,2.1,0>
}
box {<-1.75,-1.75,-.2>,<1.75,1.75,.2> rotate<0,0,45>}
}
rotate<0,90,0>
}
#declare rockingchair = union {
union {
//rear
object {rc_rearpost translate<-.9,0,1>}
object {rc_rearpost translate<.9,0,1>}

//fore
object {rc_forepost translate<-.9,0,-1>}
object {rc_forepost translate<.9,0,-1>}

//struts
cylinder {<-.9,.5,-1>,<.9,.5,-1>,.05} //low fore
cylinder {<-.9,1.5,-1>,<.9,1.5,-1>,.05} //high fore
cylinder {<-.9,1,1>,<-.9,1,-1>,.05} //left
cylinder {<.9,1,1>,<.9,1,-1>,.05} //right

//seat
//box {<-.9,1.6,-1>,<.9,1.7,1>}
object {rc_seatslat rotate<0,0,-20> translate<-.8,1.6+.20,0>}
object {rc_seatslat rotate<0,0,-15> translate<-.6,1.6+.13,0>}
object {rc_seatslat rotate<0,0,-10> translate<-.4,1.6+.07,0>}
object {rc_seatslat rotate<0,0,-5> translate<-.2,1.6+.05,0>}
object {rc_seatslat rotate<0,0,0> translate<0,1.6+0,0>}
object {rc_seatslat rotate<0,0,5> translate<.2,1.6+.05,0>}
object {rc_seatslat rotate<0,0,10> translate<.4,1.6+.07,0>}
object {rc_seatslat rotate<0,0,15> translate<.6,1.6+.13,0>}
object {rc_seatslat rotate<0,0,20> translate<.8,1.6+.20,0>}

//back lattice
box {<-.8,4.0,.95>,<.8,4.1,1.05>} //top
object {rc_slat translate<-.5,0,0>}
object {rc_slat translate<-.2,0,0>}
object {rc_slat translate<.2,0,0>}
object {rc_slat translate<.5,0,0>}
box {<-.8,2.1,.95>,<.8,2.2,1.05>} //bottom

//back head board
difference {
cylinder {<-.8,4.5,1>,<.8,4.5,1>,.2}
box {<-.85,4.2,.9>,<.85,4.8,.7>}
box {<-.85,4.2,1.1>,<.85,4.8,1.3>}
}

//left arm
object {rc_leftarm translate<-.9,2.5,-1.5>}

//right arm
object {rc_rightarm translate<.9,2.5,-1.5>}

//back brace
object {rc_roundbrace translate<0,1.5,-.9>}

//fore brace
object {rc_roundbrace translate<0,1.5,.9>}

rotate<0,0,0>
translate<0,.3,0>
}
//rockers
object {rc_rocker translate<-.9,0,0>}
object {rc_rocker translate<.9,0,0>}

texture {T_OakWood}
}

//ok. put the chairs on the floor
object{rockingchair rotate<0,0,0> translate<0,0,0> }
object{rockingchair rotate<0,-42,0> translate<-5,0,0> }
//object{rockingchair rotate<-90,45,0> translate<-2,1,-2> }
//object{rockingchair rotate<0,-45,0> translate<3,0,0>}

//our lighting…. we have two choices

//this renders quickly
#if (highquality=0)
light_source { <5,5,-5> color rgb<1,1,1> fade_distance 5}
#end

//this renders slowly, but looks much better
#if (highquality=1)
light_source { <10,10,-9.5>, color rgb<1,.99,.9> area_light x*6,y*6,3,3 jitter fade_distance 5}
//media { scattering { 3 rgb<.1,.1,.1> }}
#end

camera {
//    location <2,4,-1>
//    look_at  <0,2.5,-1>

//    location <2,4,-1>
//    look_at  <0,2.5,0>

//    location <.5,3,-1>
//    look_at  <0,2.5,0>

location  <3, 4, -6>
look_at   <-.5, 2.5, 0>

//location  <11, 11, -6>
//look_at   <-.5, 2.5, 0>
}

The following are a few CGI made in 1998. click the image to see it in higher resolution.

And then I would speak to them of love for the devil
   sympathy for the sinners
        and defiant acceptance of the damned ...

  for what a wasted world
   without evil

Void then even of the slightest sensation
  that draws the body into blackness
  thoughts barren
  acts unclean

Why praise a single blossom
      lost amid a world of such-same blossom

      but--
        the one flower
         blooming in the desert
           How sweet each petal
                  to lucid eyes
                  to hardened hands
                   and to our own hearts
                                       ever-
                                          blooming
                                              hope.

Death is not my master
  but a friend
     that depresses me
     and wants to chat all the morning
       and after.

Wind in our Sails
[Nov 3 ’91]

There was no plot. There was no plan. Faces waiting stared out in stillness from the long drawn darkness.
“What is wind?” someone asked.
“A cool essence, invisible, that caresses me when I’m alone,” was the sweet exuberant response.
“Oh,” someone replied, with a hushed of-course-I-should-have-known-that tone.
There was wind.
“Thank you,” the soft voice whispered, melting like liquid into faint furling echoes of the sweeping, nearly silent wind.
“You are welcome!” he smiled, basking in the wind. “And, by the way – you are not alone.”
After a while, however, the constant wind began to chill him. By then he knew he was quite alone.

HOLY WAR
					October 91
Our ways are not the ways of war
   (steel and fire and screaming voices in the night)
but our fight is victorious still.
    Each mind we match,
     and strong words of our God echo in
       till each drop fills their vessel overflowing
        and war is forgot unto men.

					sept 30 '91
In one Law the universe bound
       though to thy seekers
       Derivatives
             measureless
                       do confound
Movement is matter
 and dark cessation the same--
but in other worlds
    (by the one law bound.)

[A short story by Lewis A. Sellers (Sept 6 1991 10:16am)]

And as the sun rolled over the mountains of the Earth, she fell asleep at last. Katherine’s hair flowed through the fields with the whispering winds that blew out from the trees on the far mountain’s edge.

“What are you doing?” asked the grass that frolicked at her naked feet. But she did not answer. The sun shone down too warmly upon her soft cheeks. Katherine could but linger while the coming warmth stirred the morning air.

“Katherine, what are you doing?” softly spoke the blue skies. Her eyes awoke to see their beauty, but the sky was seen to be obstructed. Dressed in the morning’s darkness, a man knelt, eyes of fire, moving his hands softly over hers. And under. And embraced them more.

“Silly girl, what are you doing?” His voice was kind laughter. There was no malice save she could not see into his mind. He did not rise always as the sun, only sometimes, or much too often. His eyes did not always flow down, but more than occasionally up to the farthest skies, where of he would speak of things she could not see . . . though she tried . . . and sometimes taunted him from on high even as he struggled.

No, he was a mystery, but rarely harsh, at least to her — on occasion though, far off the townsfolk of the mountains cried when he would visit them again. And sometimes linger on for many days.

Still, the sun came up, and he came back and told her always it would be so. So Katherine sleeps below her sun at night, and bids the winds to blow.

					1:24AM 3-19-91

         The eye sees but does not perceive.
      the mouth emanates but with words hollow
all the world is beyond the mere touch of desperate flesh
imprisoned within the essence of finite self.
    Sing awhile longer gentle winds
        though false in your flowing enchantment
        thy soft music masks my mingled screams.

There are no words, but there are sounds.

Run away, run away, to the silent shores
             of the stillpoint we shall go
And in the forests and in the fields
          and burn them while the blind hand kills
men and mountain, God and whore
       the bloody swords we held high
           shall fall forever more
                  into the silence of the deep
        The mountains cry
           the winds will weep
       and we shall to the stillpoint flow
         and men shall laugh
                 and gods shall go . . .
             into the stillness of the night.

The iron star fell through the eastern sky
streaming with life and new born hope
into the waiting eyes
of an awakened few
(and the weary masses
                         writhing)
Let it fall
   Let it fall
    (with an everhurtling crash)
      For the gods have gone
            and  we alone
                    are men
            with only the mien of death.

In the cold September air
while tree trunks glistened fair
none did hear the autumn come
none did fear the winter -- none
but sweet children in their eyes
looked and were quite surprised
as the leaves blew through and round
laughing in the languid sun
and color pouring everywhere
whereso their eyes did gaze
where then their hands did touch
and trembled only in the midst of all
enamored, enraptured in the rending fall.

What Place Compassion?
[A POEM OF AN ANCIENT JEWISH JUDGE] 10-23-90

In whom I might conceive
with his very looks deceive
The pleasant, the proper lord
of outstretched land--to conceive
a paradise anew ... without wars?
waged for all widowed eye to see.
But to love!  oh, here comes he.

What, what? the wind is heavy in desert air.
Say, say? oh, no...nothing do I fear.
Do I feel compassion?  I feel no pain
basked in lights and raiment
proper Jesuit priests did ordain.
                    No.
Ask not again, question never more.
It would destroy me
                                or lessen my being
to stone
              and steel
                              and cold things in between.

Yes I love you, but leave behind.
What place compassion in the mighty father's din?
Far away, for eye to see
vastest hell prepared for thee,
who would love but would lie.
So go,--my love!  Ho, go not after.

My love, the faint taste of honey'd lips
the drowning after golden slips
But then and again I hear myself,
and leave the laughter far behind.
And yet at his counsel
men would pause
and wait for days and years and yet..
To come to, to hear...
Good god!  what do I fear?
To hear the opulent vision
is more than man should bare.
Ho, my love, now go not after--

He is dead he says but lives in me.
He is dead they say and I in thee.

What is happiness? to be as God.
What is misery? to know that you are not.

   Perhaps you hoped I was of other worlds
Perhaps you hoped I had been beyond the edge
      Or heard the cries of God
          Or laughed with him in pain.
              Perhaps I did –
It takes such a long time to be aware.
   To strive – to truly know.

    So I called them all,
       God or Demon,
       Spirit or man –
       but none would to me attend
             and with that implication
                  Should I know!

     So I wait.
     So I doubt,
     but I hope,
     and have yet a little faith.